Sisters Cutie Look Burger

When I lived in Japan twenty years ago, the people were hungry for all things western including McDonalds, Michael Jackson, and American-style t-shirts. It didn’t really matter what the shirts said, as long as it had English –or something close to it- printed on it. Many were imports, but some were obviously printed locally. The later were easy to identify because while they had English words on them, they frequently made little sense. Happy Now Meow freind.

With all the cultural sensitivity of Homer Simpson, my fellow expats and I made it a hobby looking for fractured English t-shirts. It was a fun sport because some of the shirts were almost haiku-like in their brevity, beauty, and obscurity. Tomorrow is Peace. Tomorrow is Yesterday.

I was looking forward to engaging in some t-shirt spotting in Hong Kong. Maybe a game of “I Spy the Silly T-shirt” with Annika and Elise would help pass the time on long train rides.

At first, things got off to a solid start. We amassed a few for the scrapbook: Charm of Comfortable to Give Excitement in Life. And then there was Standard Together Inspired.

So far so good.

But Hong Kong 2009, is not Japan 1989.

It all started to get a little fuzzy.

That quirky Cheer You Up t-shirt we saw? We started to see more of them. A whole lot more. Maybe it wasn’t so random. Maybe Cheer You Up was some company’s catch phrase. Or a brand name.

And the Delay No More on that girl’s hat that made us giggle? It turns out that comes from a major cell phone service company. So okay, that makes sense. Kind of. I think.

I would have to be more discerning.

But then I started getting really confused. I began to second-guess myself when I saw previously familiar phrases. It’s the Real Thing. Oh that’s so funn . . . wait a minute, that’s real English right? Everything became suspect. Just do it. That doesn’t actually mean anything, does it? Every phrase on every object started to look random. I’m loving it!

I could see it now. All those slogans on hats, and t-shirts, and billboards, they’re just arbitrary mash-ups that Madison Avenue was passing off as real English in order to sell stuff. None of it really meant anything. It’s all nonsensical, fractured English. Inspired, Just Do It Standard Together!

No, that can’t be, can it. It has to mean something doesn’t it?

I couldn’t possibly begin to tell any more.

Doh! I need a new hobby. This one is making my head hurt.

-Jack