I’m not Overweight, I’m Underheight

When you’ve been in Hong Kong for five months and you’ve been stressed and maybe you haven’t exactly been eating properly because your life hasn’t settled into a new rhythm yet and when one of the Chinese Mandarin teachers is riding the elevator with you at the end of a long week and she leans across the elevator and pats your tummy and say “Oh yes, you have gained weight since you’ve been here” well maybe it’s time to go figure out where exactly in this seven-story building that fitness room is.

Just a suggestion.

-Jack

UPC Codes

I was sitting at the kitchen table reading my book and sipping my Coke Light (not to be confused with Diet Coke). Annika was sitting at the table doing homework. She looked up and said “Dad, look, the barcode on your coke can is actually in the shape of a coke bottle. I looked and sure enough, the UPC barcode was a cute little Coke bottle.

Julie happened to be walking through the room just then. Without missing a beat, she said “Oh Jack, look at that. The barcode on the back of your book is actually in the shape of a book!” Curious, I flipped my book around. Sure enough, the barcode was a perfect rectangle.

Just like a book.

Ha. Ha.

Julie is the funniest person I know.

-Jack

How to Talk like a Hong Konger part 2 of 2

Some more Hong Kong-isms:

“on holiday” Nobody here goes on vacation, everybody goes on holiday. That would be the influence of those crazy Brits.

“what’s on” Every Friday, the local newspapers have a “what’s on” listing. Our school’s webpage has a big “what’s on” tab on the homepage. It means what’s going on or what’s up.

“take away” When you go to the restaurant, your choices are “dine in” or “take away.” Makes sense.

“nullah” originated as an Hindi word from India, but it has officially entered the English language. (Yup, you can legally use it in Scrabble.) But what’s unique about this word is that it is really only used in Hong Kong. It hasn’t really found a home in other English-speaking parts of the world. A nullah is a man-made canal or cement-lined creek that helps to contain and direct rain water. Our apartment looks out over a nullah.

“scheme” When I hear the word “scheme” it usually makes me want to grab my wallet, especially if it involves an investment scheme. But here in Hong Kong everything is a scheme. That’s because they simply use the word to mean a plan. So we'll occasionally get an email from our H.R. department inviting us to an after-school informational meeting about the school’s retirement scheme.

“go toilet” instead of “go to the toilet.” As in “Mr. VanNoord may I be excused? I have to go toilet.”

How to Talk like a Hong Konger part 1 of 2

Hong Kong has two official languages: Cantonese and English. Because it was a British colony you hear a lot of British English like "cueing up" meaning to get in line. But there is some English language usage that seems fairly unique to Hong Kong.

“drink driving” In Hong Kong nobody has every been arrested for drunk driving but plenty of people are arrested for drink driving.

“chopped” Occasionally we read in the paper that somebody down in the Mong Kok area was chopped meaning they were cut by an assailant. This stems from the fact that historically the weapon of choice among the violent set has been –go figure- a meat cleaver. But even when the assailant uses a knife and we would call it a stabbing, they call it a chopping.

“In hospital” People in Hong Kong are never in the hospital. They are simply in hospital

“in university” Likewise, young people are not at the university, they are in university.

“soccer pitch” One of my favorites Hong Kong-isms is soccer pitch. Soccer pitch simply means soccer field. I rarely hear anybody refer to it as a soccer field, though.

“lift” In case of fire take the stairs. Do not take the lift. This is a British thing.

Avatar

Just in case you have been living under a rock for the last four weeks there is a movie now in theaters called Avatar about tall blue people living on a distant planet. Humans show up. Mayhem ensues. The all-white, English-speaking humans take advantage of the nature-loving indigenous people for financial gain.

It is the most expensive movie ever made (one-third of a billion dollars) and is on pace to be the most successful movie ever made (a billion dollars and counting).

I saw it Friday night.

My review?

Once you get past the re-tread dialog; the flat, stereotypical characters; the thinly veiled indictment of western civilization; the patronizing, overly-romanticized treatment of indigenous peoples; the untenable racism; the not-very-original and highly-predictable storyline; and the so-so acting; it’s a really, really great movie!

The special effects are very, very cool. I am glad that I paid the extra money to see it in 3-D. The world of Pandora is truly awesome and like nothing ever put on film before.

My recommendation? Go see it. The bigger the screen, the better. But be forewarned, it’s really not a very good piece of storytelling. But those state-of-the-art, cutting-edge special effects sure are cool.

-Jack

Outside McDonald's Walk-up Window

Running Boy

Yellow Jacket

First Period English Class Last Friday

Eighteen years ago, I had my first full-time job teaching eighth-grade reading and writing in Woodstock, Illinois. It only lasted a year. All first-year teachers were let go at the end of the year due to budgetary issues. It was just as well. Even though the principal and my fellow teachers all gave me positive feedback, I gave myself a fair rating at best. The bottom line is I was barely out of school, and –to be honest- not quite ready to take on a reading and writing class of my own. I was young to say the least.

But that was almost two decades ago. I got a little side tracked teaching math and social studies for the last fifteen years. But now here in Hong Kong, I’ve had the chance to return to my first love: reading and writing.

Last Friday, I took my twenty-five first-period English students down to the computer lab. They opened up their school email accounts and pulled up the emails that I had sent to each of them the night before. Each of their emails contained my comments and suggestions about the stories they had been working on.

Each student opened up his or her short stories on the computer and started re-working and improving them.

Natalie is a great writer, but I had suggested to her that the resolution to her story comes too easy. Once the miscommunication is cleared up, the characters’ lives get back on track as if nothing had happened. I suggested that she could make her good story great by having the character irreversibly changed by the misunderstanding that happens in the middle of the story. Their relationship would end up slightly different; better, but different.

I had typed a note to Nathanael reminding him to stick with the past tense (“she sang”). He kept switching to the present tense (“I hammer”). I also complemented him on his mostly successful effort to inject real humor into his stories.

I wrote to Nick that he does a really good job with his written descriptions, but I also suggested to him that he convert some portions of his story into dialog so that we the readers feel as though we are there as the action unfolds. I also pointed out that he needs to watch out for over-use of the ALL CAPS and exclamation points!!!

As students got to work, I wheeled up and down the aisle in my teacher chair consulting with various students. I asked them what changes they were considering. Some of them thought my insights and suggestions were really helpful. Some of them asked me to clarify what I had meant by this comment or that comment in my email.

As I looked around the room, they were all deeply engaged in writing. A few students were flipping back and forth between my email comments and their current draft of their story. Some of them were glancing toward the ceiling as they considered where to go next with their writing. A few of them were discussing various aspects for their writing with their neighbor.

I stepped back and stood in the doorway for a minutes and watched them all busily writing and re-writing.

I realized that this 55-minutes English class was almost two decades in the making.

When you stumble, you have got to get back up again, even if it takes you twenty years to do so.

-Jack