Yeah, I lived There Once

For the first few months Julie, the girls and I felt like tourists on an extended stay. More and more, it’s beginning to feel like we do actually live here.

A while back, I was chatting with an acquaintance who said he lived in Ecuador a few years ago. When I probed a little deeper, it turns out he had been there for just over a month one summer. I thought that was kind of pushing the definition of “I lived there.”

While waiting for a train, the girls and I got into a discussion about what exactly constitutes “living” somewhere. I was in Japan for twelve months back in the late eighties. I think it’s pretty safe to say I lived there. I was in London once for three days. We can all agree that I definitely did not “live there.”

When I was sixteen, I spent six weeks in Beirut Lebanon. Is if fair to say “I used to live in Beirut”?

The girls and I (it was a very long train ride) decided that it was not only a question of duration, but there are also certain criteria that have to be met before you can say “I lived there.” We came up with a point system.

We submit the following for your consideration.

1 point You receive mail while there.
4 points You do not have in your possession a return flight ticket.
3 points You’ve rented videos from the same store more than three times.
1 point You celebrate a birthday while there.
1 point You use a screwdriver.
2 points You are there for both Thanksgiving and Christmas.
1 point You drop off clothing at a dry cleaners.
2 points You buy light bulbs.
3 points Women, you get your hair cut.
1 point Men, you get your hair cut.
3 points You visit a dentist for a cleaning and check up.
2 points You spend more than US$100.00 on a single visit to the grocery store.
4 points You buy a hamster for yourself. ("No Elise, we can't have a hamster.”)
7 points You give birth.
2 points You use the word “home” and realized you meant the place you’re sleeping tonight, not your address back in the States.

If your accrued over fifteen points, you definitely “lived there”. If your scored under seven points, sorry, but you are just visiting.

If you scored somewhere in between, why don’t you stay put, I’ll send you some mail at your current address. That ought to do the trick.

Or better yet, why don’t you go buy yourself a hamster.

-Jack